Watching the Women's U.S. Tennis Open Taught Me Compassion

13 Sept 23 • By Brendan Coutts

A lesson from the best tennis players in the world. After the final of the Women's US Tennis Open recently, the runner-up, and new world number 1, Aryna Sabalenka was asked about her greatest achievement this year. Her response? Her greatest achievement in becoming world number 1, was learning not to care about becoming world number 1. The winner, Coco Gauff, was asked about the importance of her Christian faith in her success. Her response? She said she didn't pray for results, she prayed for the ability to give her best. These high achieving, elite athletes' top priority was to escape the lure of those abstract achievements. To focus on becoming their best and let the cards fall where they may. To work with causes rather than try to manipulate consequences. Consequences are none of my business. Since that match, I've been watching my attention. Do I dwell in the world of causes, or in the abstract realm of consequences? It turns out most of the time I'm in La La Land - the world of consequences. What I want to happen. What I don't want to happen. What I like. What I don't. For example: I washed my hands because I wanted clean hands. I worked because I needed the work to be done. Could I wash my hands just for the enjoyment of washing my hands? It turns out I could. I tried it. And my hands still got washed. Better, in fact. Could I work just for the satisfaction of doing it well? This was harder, but yes - I could do it. And lo-and-behold, the work emerged. Done. Well done. The idea of working with causes had my attention. I embarked on a project of happily engaging for its own sake. Whatever I was doing, my job was purely to be my best in that moment and let the cards fall where they may. My mantra became: “Be my best. The rest is none of my business.” A lesson from an unhappy bureaucrat. It was going well. I felt noticeably happier. Life felt smoother. Easier. Then, I had an encounter with an unhappy, low level government bureaucrat. They were disengaged and miserable. The faintest glimmer leaked from their stale dark eyes like a forlorn prayer to ChatGPT to come and take their job. They had pinned their hopes of survival on ensuring no member of the accursed public extract any effort - or anything at all - from them. My every enquiry to this servant of the people met with rebuttal after denial after annoyance. I was not happy with the way these cards were falling. I wanted different results. I was straining at the leash to leap into the world of consequences and take up arms. But, I recalled my commitment. My duty here is to just be my best, I reminded myself. Let those cards fall. Whether this miserable creature gives me the information, help, and connection I hope for is beyond my control. None of my business. It all floats unmanifest in the realm of consequences. So, I did my best to be warm and clear with them. Communicate well. Listen well. I did my best to be kind. And guess what happened... Did I win them over? Well, no. A fleeting temptation to lower their guard flickered in their eyes, but was quickly extinguished. My nascent charm didn't penetrate their defences. I got no help, no information, no connection. But also, I had no resentment. No frustration. I was happy. And my mind was free of rumination and clear about where-to-from-here. And I did not walk away empty handed. Surprisingly, what I took from that encounter was a feeling of tenderness for that suffering being. And I was pleased that at least I hadn't made things worse for them.