Victory, or Flow? Watching my son grow up, the continuous unfolding of subtle but profound leaps in his development was exhilarating. As new levels of adorableness arose, I partly wished I could hold on to each phase, and partly lived in perpetual wonder at the emergence of the next one. Whatever age he was at, I would say to myself “Oh, this is the best age,” only to refresh my appraisal the next month, week, or day. But Life had zero interest in my desires to cling to a certain age, or to long for another one. It just rolled on. It flowed – as it does. And to the extent that I stayed in love with this unfolding, I experienced flow as well. Embracing each phase and wanting only to bring my best to it. But, of course my capacity to dwell in that love was limited. I wanted me, him, his Mum, Life to be a certain way, or not be a certain way. I approved, or disapproved. My attention was drawn away from the flow of the game, to the accumulation of petty victories, and the limiting of imagined defeats. But conversely, in relaxing my judgements, the unfolding beauty re-appeared. Once again, he is at the best age. The cost of judging It makes me wonder about the price of judging. I love flow. We all do. I believe it’s what we are all looking for, all the time. To wholeheartedly engage with our unfolding lives. And therefore the things that are hard to love annoy the hell out of me. They block my flow! I judge them for it and, for all the world, I feel justified in doing so. Yet, however righteous my judging, I can never judge, criticise or complain myself into flow. Never. Because it is never those disliked situations that drag me down. It is only my judgement of them. To let go of that judging feels like giving up so much – but what really lies beyond that letting go - on the other side of engagement? More connection? Deeper understanding? More meaning? It could be the best age yet.